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Intelligent Design group proves that ‘God probably created HIV’5 min read

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dnahelixIn a stunning press release, Intelligent Design group The Group for Order and Design In Science (GODIS) has proposed that the structure of the HIV virus could not have arisen by natural processes, and was therefore engineered.

“Our calculations are quite revealing,” stated Rex Numero, chief statistician at GODIS.  “We were inspired by Reverend Jeremiah Wright’s accusation that perhaps HIV was created by the US Government, and we immediately set about calculating the likelihood that HIV could have arisen from natural causes.  As it turns out, the HIV virus is irreducibly complex in many areas.  Therefore, it MUST have been engineered.”

When Numero was challenged about whether or not the proposed engineer of HIV was the biblical God, Numero immediately denied such conclusions, saying

“We neither confirm nor deny the existence of a supreme being, but we do admit that such engineering is way ahead of our current scientific abilities.  WAY ahead.”

Picking up on the GODIS press release, an organization supporting the beleaguered Rev. Wright, Wright’s Holy Infantry Threatening Euro Supremacy (WHITES) immediately countered that such genetic engineering most certainly IS within the realm of our current capabilities.  Chief spokesperson for WHITES Ray Spater enjoined forcefully:

If we can genetically engineer glowing fish, how hard is it to engineer a little virus that kills people?  This news proves that it is possible, even probable that the rich white people running our government created and distributed HIV into the drug and sex businesses in order to kill blacks AND gays, our brothers in this fight for equal rights.

Spater has had to answer, however, the challenge that the spread of HIV in the black and gay communities was due to their own promiscuity and drug use, which is not the government’s fault.

“Are you kidding me?” spat Spater.  “Look, as brother Farrakan has said, the rich white Jews in Hollywood, many of which support our causes, are still to blame for filling our airwaves with sex in movies and on TV.  They are the ones influencing our youth.  Blaming the rappers and the HIV victims themselves is really low – I mean, what makes you say that they bear ANY responsibility for sleeping around or using drugs, when TV makes it so attractive?  No, no, no, we can not blame the victims here in any way.”

Not to be left out of the fray, Atheists Reviling God in History and Science (ARGHS) ridiculed the findings of GODIS.  Chief spokesman for ARGHS, Darkes Light, who spoke to the press this morning at ARGHS headquarters in Corpus Christi, TX, reviled:

The conclusions of GODIS are total bunk – I mean, you can prove anything you want with statistics, it all depends on your assumptions.  For example, if you stumbled upon a watch in the sand at the beach, you might be tempted to think that such an unusually complex object required an intelligent maker.  But of course, such a conclusion would be, statistically speaking, not your best choice.  Seeing design everywhere by setting the bar for ‘irreducibility’ so low can lead you to such obviously illogical conclusions as thinking that a watch was most likely created by an intelligence.”

Responding to these allegations, GODIS’ Numero answered:

“So let me get this straight. These guys believe in alien life because it is statistically possible, and even after pouring millions of dollars into SETI, have absolutely NO evidence of such, yet they WON’T believe that an intelligence is out there that could do genetic engineering? Is that because such an engineer is too close to being godlike, or because it would provide an alternative theory of origins to evolution?”

In a counter-statement, Light beamed:

“Look, basically, there is NO way to determine if life, or any virus, has been engineered, because quite honestly, we can come up with a theory of how it evolved using natural processes, even if such processes might take longer than the age of the known universe.  The bottom line?  You can’t really tell if anything is designed, and therefore, no form of life is engineered, nor could it be determined to BE engineered.

And since we have proven evolution beyond a doubt, in doing so, we have pretty much deemed the idea of an intelligent creator, god or not, as irrelevant.  And anyone worth their intellectual salt should agree – at least, anyone wanting to publish in a peer-reviewed primary journal or gain their University tenure.”