In my last post on Church Signs, I mentioned the book Silent Words Loudly Spoken: Church Sign Sayings, which looks cool.  Here’s its humorous list of commandments for church sign use.

  1. Thou shalt not use so many words that it’s impossible to read the entire message when traveling ten miles per hour over the speed limit, the slowest anyone will drive.
  2. Thou shalt use large enough letters so they can be read easily from the road on a foggy night by a driver who has a burned out headlight.
  3. Thou shalt not keep the same message in the sign for weeks on end, giving the impression that nobody’s minding the church.
  4. Thou shalt not leave a time-dated message on the sign more than a day after the event or holiday.  You might as well put "we can’t keep up with the times" on your sign.
  5. Thou shalt use different messages on each side of the sign so people get into the habit of reading both coming and going.
  6. Thou shalt keep the message positive.  Who wants to be scolded by a sign?  A negative message, no matter how true, when given without the benefit of the human touch of love, will be rejected anyway.
  7. Thou shalt not leave the sign empty, for this communicates you have nothing to say and have said it clearly.
  8. Thou shalt use thought-provoking messages that leave the reader pondering.
  9. Thou shalt not promote "in house" programs of no interest to the average person driving or walking by.  John Q. Public couldn’t care less that the Right Reverend I.M. Boring is going to be the guest preacher next Sunday.
  10. Thou shalt not use "thou" or other "in house" religious terms on your sign.

And here’s a couple more of my own:

  • Thou shalt not use terms that can be easily misunderstood as sexual innuendos – Jesus may be coming, he may love children, and the tongue may do many things, but putting that on your sign sends a strange message.  And if your pastor’s name is Richard, tell him you can’t use the name "Dick" on your sign, no matter what his mother calls him.
  • Thou shalt spell check.