A new report claims that odd-shaped mounds of dirt in Australia are actually fossils of the oldest life on Earth. The scientists know this because the details of the mounds are too complicated to be formed without a living organism. “It is the best bet for the best evidence of the oldest life on Earth,” said Bruce Runnegar, director of the NASA Astrobiology Institute in Moffett Field, Calif. “These are too complicated to be attributed to non-biological processes but we don’t know that for a fact.”

Got that?

Squiggly marks in seven different types of dirt piles equals intelligent design.

The existence of human beings and the various other lifeforms, the statistically impossible probability of life forming on Earth due to random chance and Earth having the exact right conditions for life equals pure happenstance and us being crazy lucky.