The Washington Times ran this article on Mother’s Day which provides new evidence of the virtues of motherhood (Hat tip: Polipundit)
Sixty years ago, Sigmund Freud called the mother-child bond "unique" and "without parallel." Today, a study of more than 2,000 mothers confirms Freud’s wisdom: 93 percent say the care of their children is "so unique" that no one else can replace it. The same percentage believe the love they feel for their children is "unlike" any other love.
The study was released last week by the New York-based Institute for American Values (IAV), a nonpartisan marriage and family advocacy think tank. IAV questioned mothers nationwide who are 18 and older with at least one child younger than 18.
Predictably, there was the usual response from feminist academics who try to play down the importance of mothers in the role of child-rearing as well as disputing the importance of two parent families:
Much of academia and social science doubts that mothers are all that special. A meta-analysis of 171 parenting studies found "few significant differences" between mothers and fathers, City College of New York psychology professor Peter Fraenkel wrote in a 2000 article.
"An open-minded review of the existing literature suggests that parenting roles are interchangeable, that neither mothers nor fathers are unique or essential," he wrote.
What the research suggests is that children do best when they have "a consistent, caring relationship with at least one responsible adult," especially one who can show affection, respond to a child’s needs, offer discipline and serve as a positive role model, he wrote.
Here in a nutshell are the lies of feminism laid out in plain view: Motherhood is not that important. There’s no difference between mothers and fathers. The fact that one parent is missing has no bearing on the child.
Feminists would like women to believe that they aren’t missing out by sacrificing their home life to pursue a career. They would like women to believe that raising children isn’t a fufilling life choice. Studies like the one cited in this article just go to prove what many already knew: there is no greater calling in life than being a parent and particularly a mother.
Come on – are the women who are arguing that motherhood isn't that important doing so to disparage mothers? Or are they arguing that women can lead fulfilling lives outside of motherhood? In fact, maybe the idea is that women are capable of being mothers and successful in the work place at the same time.
I don't want anybody telling my daughter that the only way she's going to feel fulfilled in her life is staying home with her children. I want her to know that, like any man anywhere, she's capable of having everything that she wants, be that a career, children or, Heaven Forbid, BOTH.
Ugh.
While I'm being furious with you guys, why are you denigrating fatherhood?
"Studies like the one cited in this article just go to prove what many already knew: there is no greater calling in life than being a parent and particularly a mother."
I love being a father. I love my daughter. Can you tell me that somehow my calling is less than my daughter's mother? What is wrong with you guys?
Being a PARENT is a great calling, regardless of gender.
Sam, I would have to respectfully disagree with you on your first point. From a biblical perspective, the woman is supposed to be at home. She is designed to care for the home, to nurture the family, and to be the man's helper. That may seemed old-fashioned to you but that's the truth of the situation. More and more women are discovering the joy of being at home and finding far more fulfillment than they ever had in their careers.
As for your second point, I did not mean to denigrate fathers at all. I am a father of two girls myself. Each parent's calling is unique and has its own blessings. I wasn't trying to draw a comparison between the calling as a mother and the calling as a father. Rather, I was trying to reinforce the point (and admittedly could have been clearer on this) that for women there is no greater calling than to be a mother.
Even as someone who has a career, I still consider my calling as a father to be far more rewarding than any job I've ever had. Nothing can compare to blessing it is to be a parent.
It was refreshing (and quite surprising) to find this article published in a major newspaper that was extolling the virtues of motherhood.
Thanks for your thoughtful comments.
Let's not argue about gender roles, shall we? In my graduate psychology studies, I read and concluded the following:
– Both parents, and particularly both genders, are very important in the normal development of a child. Hence the conservative notion that the traditional family consisting of father and mother is best
– Biological parents are not necessary – what is necessary is the consistent care and bonding the the same adults over time. This is why adoption usually works well.
– Bonding with mother and father at different stages are critical in healthy gender identity development, as well as healthy relationship development.
– Some believe that day care is bad for the parent/child bond.
– Object Relations Theory posits that our parental relationships form the basis of our self-concept. The healthier our relationship with our primary caregivers, the healthier we are, and conversely.
All in all, I'd say not enough study has gone on regarding the bonding of children with both male and female primary caretakers, and it's affect on children's self-concept and relational framework. Needless to say, both mother and father are probably important, and I doubt that the mother is "more" important – that's like saying because men are stronger, they are better. We need to value both genders and not try to put one over the other.
However, I am sure such research is going on, esp. in the reparative therapy of homosexuality, since they posit that the roots of homosexuality are in gender identity formed in parental relationships. Such articles as Study Supports the "Weak Father"Theory of Homosexuality and FATHERS OF MALE HOMOSEXUALS:A Collective Clinical Profile support the relationship between bonding with the father and male homosexuality. I am sure healthy or unhealthy bonding with either gender has an extreme effect on children.
Oh, and I know i strayed off of the subject – but I do believe that bonding with the mother during the first two years is critical for optimum mental health and development of the child, but you can survive without it.
As far as women being satisfied, I think that in some ways, men and women are the same – we all need to feel loved, to develop and use our gifts, and to learn to love and serve others. That's the xian way.
However, to deny the gender differences is a mistake. While no one likes to be limited by gender stereotypes, we should acknowledge that in some general ways, men and women are different. That includes our relational styles and needs, as well as our vocational styles and needs. Our differing roles as parents, both physical and psychological, should also not be minimized, but should be appreciated.
For example, I believe that my daughter got a lot of security and comfort from breastfeeding. Like it or not, I could not be useful like that. I suspect that a child is also wired to need a mother's emotional capacities as well. However, now that she is a little older, she is bonding with papa (me). I suspect that during different times in her development, she will gravitate towards one or the other of us depending on her developmental need.
As for my needs as a male, or my wife's as a woman, I think that a woman or man can find fulfillment without children. However, I think there is a particular blessing that mothers experience in childbirth (not the pain part), nursing, and caring for a child that a father experiences differently, and perhaps not as deeply (my bonding with the baby during pregnancy will never rival my wife's).
I do think that women who neglect motherhood are robbing themselves of something they will regret later – no career, no amount of self-realization is worth not relating to your children.