Intelligent Design group proves that ‘God probably created HIV’
In a stunning press release, Intelligent Design group The Group for Order and Design In Science (GODIS) has proposed that the structure of the HIV virus could not have arisen by natural processes, and was therefore engineered.
"Our calculations are quite revealing," stated Rex Numero, chief statistician at GODIS. "We were inspired by Reverend Jeremiah Wright’s accusation that perhaps HIV was created by the US Government, and we immediately set about calculating the likelihood that HIV could have arisen from natural causes. As it turns out, the HIV virus is irreducibly complex in many areas. Therefore, it MUST have been engineered."
Thinktank estimates evangelical churches 90% closet homosexuals
While some recent estimates of the gay population in America have come in as high as 1 in 10, a new report from the liberal Christian think tank Gay Statisticians Bringing Accuracy to Gay Statistics (GASBAGS) has come out with a new report claiming that up to 90% of evangelicals may be closet homosexuals.
"It was really quite logical," said spokesperson Dr. Ima "Spin" Master. "Once we assumed that everyone who spouts regular anti-gay rhetoric, which we call "hate speech," was really just projecting self-loathing at their own same sex attractions, it all added up quite quickly."
Evangelicals reject Jesus for disrespectful speech
Today, the Purposeful Association of Not So Intimidating EvangelicalS (PANSIES) announced that they have rejected the authority of the scriptures in which Jesus uses offensive name-calling when dealing with his religious detractors. Read more
How long before Disney creates a cross-dressing prince or animated gay romance?
Now that Disney has elevated gay activist Rich Ross to studio chief,it won't be long now until we have a new more 'diverse' princess. I can only imagine the titles.
- The Dragon and the Two Princes – A manly prince saves the swishy one from the awful Dragon and his hateful, narrow, conservative, white, hetero master.
- Queen for a Day - The widowed King is sad, and the only person that can make him happy is the 'dramatic' court jester, who secretly is romantically in love with the King. With the help of a butch Fairy Godmother, the jester is transformed into a beautiful princess for 24 hours, in which time, if she can get a kiss of true love from the King, 'she' can stay as a woman and live with the man of 'her' dreams, the lonely King.
- Escape to Brokeback Mountain - two human-like aliens crash their ship in the desert, and are helped by a gay cowboy to escape the pursuit of the evil hetero government agents. In the movie's climax (no pun intended), the two androgenous aliens and the gay cowboy have an intimate threesome encounter, showing the beauty of cross-species love and multiple partners. In the end, the aliens take the cowboy with them to live in sexual bliss in the more enlightened alien world.
- Fabulous! - The prince lives in the gray world of a fashionless kingdom ruled by his hetero father. Through the love and genious of a local taylor, they turn everyone on to colorful fashions. The father finally admits that he should have appreciated the Prince for his own 'fabulous' values.
- The Legend of the Fairy Prince - the heartwarming story of a Prince who always wanted to be a princess, and through the magic of a fairy God mother, becomes an androgenous fairy who no longer has to worry about gender.
- Cinderfella (my apologies to Jerry Lewis) – classic retelling of Cinderella, except that the Prince secretly likes men, and rejoices when the cross-dressing handmaiden shows up at the ball in drag, and they dance the night away. After a valiant search, the size 13 glass slipper turns out to fit the young, handsome, muscular, shirtless, hairless handyman slaving in the barn, and they live happily ever after.
- Beautician and the Beast – the young male beautician is trapped in the home of the Beast, who is cursed by God with facial hair, chest hair, and a penis. While the beautician can do nothing about the bulge in the Beast's pants (which he kind of likes), he *can* help the beast get laser hair removal, and show him how to stop hating himself and use facial base to cover his hair follicles.
- The Emperor's New Groove 3 – The Prince gets sex-reassignment surgery. (Get it? New 'groove'?)
We'll see if all of this diversity really comes to pass, but as ONN remarks, we all like to use our influence to push our values:
The sad reality is that whenever you see a homosexual activist at the top, nine times out of ten they end up pushing that gay agenda using their influence to push it wherever they can.
Global warming can be averted by breathing less, experts say
Population experts such as Paul R. Ehrlich and Thomas Malthus have long contended that humans are heading for mass starvation due to overpopulation. They have predicted that we will run out of all kinds of resources, including food, energy, and water.
But today, Dr. Gimmy Green of STop Uncontrolled Population and Industrial Destruction (STUPID) released a new list of recommendations that humans can take to stop contributing to global warming. The underlying assumption?
Too many humans are breathing too much air.
Atheism’s Trump Card – Farts Prove there is No God
One of the main biblical arguments for the existence of God is the amazing beauty, complexity, and integration of the created, living world. As the scriptures report:
Romans 1:19-20
what may be known of God is manifest in them, for God has shown it to them. For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse
But this "argument from design" proves nothing, according to the atheist. In fact, we see so many flaws in the design, that this argument seems riddled with just as many contraindications in nature. Chief of which is the lowly FART.
Why Earth should be the Planet of the Apes
A recent study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (PNAS) indicates that chimps may be more evolved than humans. While this development may have little impact on current science, it contradicts the anthropocentric view of the world, which views humans as the pinnacle of evolution, and the de facto owners or rulers of the earth.
Of course, such a view is strengthened by the Judeo-Christian view that all of creation was made for man, and that man was given dominion over the creation. However, certain liberal mainstream Christian churches, who were already concerned about the environment, are using this new bit of data to go to the next step – serving the chimps.
What good is satire?
I want to write a short series of satirical stories, but in doing so, I want to make clear what my purpose is, and so I first want to paint my view of the content and purposes of satire. Enjoy.
Gay Birth Certificates?
This is not really important, but it is interesting. Now that gays can fool nature (but not nature’s God ;) by choosing artificial insemination to have children, I wondered if the birth certificates need to have more lines for parenthood on them. Do they? Something like:
- Biological Father
- Biological Mother
- Birth Mother
- Financial Father/Mother 1
- Financial Father/Mother2
I only bring this up because I read about how Spain has changed Mother and Father on their birth certs to Progenitor A and Progenitor B (I guess that’s biological parents?). Inquiring minds want to know.
