Last night, ABC aired a two-hour 20/20 special outlining various ways in which life on earth will end.
Last Days on Earth gave us a glimpse into our future and it doesn’t look good. The sky is indeed falling. I repeat the sky is falling.
Here’s the top 7 ways in which “we all going to die!”
7) Star power – Either through a gamma ray burst or a roving (and I do mean Rove-ing) black hole, stars will do us in. We could get blasted with gamma rays, which will either make us super powered mutants or deformed freaks, or we could get sucked into a black hole, which not suprisingly are manufactured by Haliburton. Bush’s hurricane machine worked so well, he asked Haliburton to fix him up a black hole machine. It’s only a matter of time now.
6) PC’s revenge – You know you have followed the advice “hit it and see if that helps,” well the machines will return the favor. A.I. will rule the planet. We will create computers more intelligent than us, so they can do all the work and we can have all the games stored in our memory.
5) Pompeii Redux – This time it’s not just a volcano…it’s a super volcano. Apparently scattered around the world there are 40 magma ponds underneath the surface, including one in Yellowstone National Park. At any given moment one or more of these could erupt, billowing ash into the atmosphere and rendering all mechanical equipment useless. One bright side would be that we could cross number 6 off our list.
4) Where’s Bruce Willis when you need him – An asteroid the size of Texas, where have I head that before, could be headed straight for us. But whatever we do, don’t try to blow it up! As of now, our only solution is to send a spacecraft out to meet the incoming rock and hope to “nudge” the orbit just enough to miss us. Does that give you the confidence you need?
3) Who wants mushrooms? – You just thought after the 80’s we were done with nuclear winter, but it’s back. But according to scientists we shouldn’t worry about Iran or North Korea getting nukes. Oh no, the main problem is, but of course, us. How would we start a nuclear war? How else, by accident. That’s right the Soviet Union would lob some innocuous missle at us and we would judge their intentions wrongly and let the warheads fly.
2) Cover that sneeze – Germs are every where and as germophobe as some people may be, you can never kill them all. Somewhere someone is working on an bioterrorist weapon to blackmail the entire world, either that or someone is bathing in animal dung, but regardless the result is still the same – only the cockroaches survive.
1) Surprise, surprise – You know what number one is. I shouldn’t even have to tell you what the greatest threat to wiping mankind off the face of the planet is. What way could be constantly used as a threatening device, every weather condition could affirm our worst fears, humans would be the problem, more importantly successful businesses would be the problem, the solution would be an increase in the role of government and implementation of liberal policies? You’re getting warmer.